— and i read about the afterlife, but i never really lived
It’s been awhile since I read this book, this is pretty much all I remember. I sure am excited to see Finnick and Joanna in the next movie though.
When your girlfriend gets into the shower on cold winter mornings, put a clean towel in the dryer. When you hear the water turn off, grab the towel from the dryer and bring it to her. She’ll smile. Guaranteed.
Little things, you guys. Little things.
if a guy stares at ur boobs
just stare at his dick
maybe squint a little bit
One time I was at the grocery store with my mom when an older man starts staring at my ass and the worst part was that he was standing next to his wife and kids so I start staring at his crotch and squinting really hard even tilted my head to the side a little and let me tell you I have never seen anyone look more embarrassed in my life and I have never felt more accomplished it was fantastic
man more people need to join the fucking bedroom fandom
i mean look at this shit.
it’s bunk beds and a little desk.
a motherfucking aquarium!
shit it’s like noah’s ark in the fucking ceiling
look how modern this shit is
it’s like three rooms in one
you could get a boat and sing fucking phantom of the opera and then just climb in bed.
I will man this damn fandom by myself if I have too
Mark Sheppard (via blondechester)
One time I was masturbating in the shower and came so hard that I couldn’t keep in my scream but I knew my brother was in the bedroom next door and that he’d hear and know what I was doing so I quickly transitioned into singing the opening of the Lion King.
if you’re about to die, might as well try.
he puts his hands up like he’s pleading and catches the guy completely off guard. i mean. he’s got a gun. guy’s on his knees. he feels totally safe and in control of the situation. then the guys hands are right next to the gun and he surprises him and immediately tilts the weapon up and away from him and yanks the arm down while thrusting his legs forward to kneecap the guy and manages to wrench the gun away
so shit now the second guy is on the ground with probably a broken knee and no gun and the first guy has the weapon and is fucking free and clear remember this me you need to remember this
the worst part about christmas is having to react to presents in front of everyone